http://beck199.wordpress.com Tue, 16 Aug 2011 01:44:23 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ http://s2.wp.com/i/buttonw-com.png http://beck199.wordpress.com http://beck199.wordpress.com/2011/08/16/unsettled/ http://beck199.wordpress.com/2011/08/16/unsettled/#comments Tue, 16 Aug 2011 01:44:21 +0000 beck199 http://beck199.wordpress.com/?p=63 ]]> Everything I posted in a blodg was not for yoru. My keyboard is screwed up I can’t delete so just bare with me. Everyting in a header was not for you. I was talking th/ to Adam. The man I lived with for 9 years. The guy who stalked and wouldn’t leave me alone for 5 years after I was married. When I saw the sighns on my street, I thought that he had Glen make up the sighns. That’s what he does for a living. I did not mean to provoke you and I’m sorry avbout the bad bar joke. I have severe panic disorder because of what happened, and I thought it might help to get some of this off my chest. Now ht that enought time has gone by where you can actually listen. The whole thing was just a huge mistake on my park [art Part. If I scared you I am so sorry I feel horrified. I jut just honestly didn’t think anyone was paying any attention to me. It’s all of my faule fautfault. God as my witness I did not do that on purpose. I was so busy watchoing for Adam, that I didn’t even see you. I am o n 80 mg of prozac, 5mg of abilify, 5 mg of risperidole, plus hydrocodone and I can’t get any peace of mind. Than That’s why I’m writing this . To hopefully get across to you that I’m not mean spirited, just a fucking idiot. I need some peace. I have panic disorder. I want to volunteer in my kids school tho this year. But every day I have to fight the urge to just go lay down. I don’t have a life. So I s wondered if I told you what I was thinking, if k it would give me peace of mind. I still don’t know how to apolozgize, the only thing I could think of is to never let anything t like that happpen again. So I have made peace with Adam and a few of his friends on facebook. I’m agoing to d see him next weekend, after 10 years. I will be sober but on about 15 mg of xanax. lol I know you h are hard, I know you have a hard time forgiving, so I’m not asking for that. I just wanted t you to listen. Again, I apologize from the bottom of my heart and I wish you th e best life you can possibly have. I’m sorry I was so paranoid, I really had no business being online. That’s why now my friends on facebook, I have kmnown for 20 years. They know me and know I am not evil, just a little drunk and stupid at times. lol I will always love you from a distance adn I have the upmost respect forr you. Peace.

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